I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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