Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
