Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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