return my video game
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
