Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
