She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
