I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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