i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
