words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
