I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Drunk is not a location!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
