We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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