I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
