i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
