my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
