tell your sister to shave her snatch
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
