My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
