so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
