It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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