I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
