please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
