Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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