No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
