I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
