does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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