no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
