i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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