so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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