Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
