Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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