2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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