You just made me feel so damn special
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
