I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
