My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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