This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
