Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
