I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
