Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
