ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
