PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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