I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
