just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
