I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
