love makes seman taste better
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
