Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
