Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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