Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
