Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
