I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
