Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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