Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
