if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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