she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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