I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
