booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
